Part 2.

     She froze. She knew his voice a mile away. She took a deep breath and turned around. It was he, right in front of her. She couldn’t believe her eyes. ‘Was I dreaming?’ she thought. He smiled and came closer. She stood in front of her car observing him. Her facial expression was priceless. It was a mixture of shock and surprise. He came closer and stood in front of her. He didn’t change one bit. His hair was midnight black that she sometimes mistakes for blue. His wide black eyes were staring right at her and she was falling deeply back into them, as if his eyes had the power of the black hole. His full lips were pulled into a smile. His eyes spoke for him. She looked deep into them and knew he didn’t move on, because she still saw herself in his eyes. She moved closer and took in his scent, which was a mixture of Dehn Oud and Creed. She closed her eyes and held her tears back. She just couldn’t believe that the many times she came to his house, he’d never be there; but today, he was standing right in front of her.

He held her face and her heart skipped a beat.

“Open your eyes,” he whispered.

“I miss the loving look you have for me.” He brushed her cheek.  She opened her eyes and unleashed her tears. He shook his head and wiped her tears away.

“Why the tears?” He asked.
She shook her head. She didn’t know what to do or say. A lot could happen over a year. Did he still love me, she thought. Is he still single? Is he dating again? Questions filed her eyes as she stood staring at him with teary eyes. She wanted to unleash everything in her heart that she kept for the past year. She wanted to stop time and catch up the lost year with him. She wanted him back. She took a deep breath and whispered, “I missed you greatly.”

He was thrilled to hear that so he whispered back, “Not as much as I did.” He then opened his arms and she fell right into them. He wrapped his arms around her and picked her off the ground. She wrapped her arms around his neck and watched the world spin as he twirled her around. She didn’t want to let go of his neck but she had to. He put her back down and took one step back. She could see the relieved look in his eyes. How long has he been back, she thought. After a few seconds, they fell quiet. Not the awkward quiet but the shy quiet.  She had so many questions and she wanted answers. 

He cleared his throat and began, “So, how are you?” He asked.

“I’m fine, and you?” She replied casually. She wanted to scream and tell him how happy she was but she wanted to keep it cool.

“I’m good, how’s university with you?” He asked, although what he wanted to know was whether she’s still single or not.

“It’s hectic,” she sighed and looked at his hands searching for a ring, but she didn’t find one.

“May I ask you something?” He asked politely.

“Sure,” she replied eagerly.

“Why did you leave your car and come closer to my window?” He asked.

She bit her lower lip and stared at him nervously. Should she tell him the truth? Tell him that she was dying to see him.

“Hmm, I saw your curtains move and I...” she paused.

“Yes? You what?” He inquired impatiently.

“I thought it was you. I wanted to make sure. I wanted to see you.” She said truthfully.

He smiled, “Then I wish my curtains were open weeks ago.

She fell silent and looked at him blankly. “I don’t understand?”

“I’ve been here for the past three weeks, I’ve seen your car park in front of my house and watched you stare intently at the window and cry. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know you wanted to see me.” He said.

Tears began forming in the corners of her eyes as she remembered the cold days she had in the past week. She stayed quiet. She didn’t know whether to hate him or love him for hiding from her the past three weeks.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered as he brushed her cheek.

“Nothing,” she whispered back.

He looked at her, she didn’t change one bit. Her hair, a brilliant shade of brunette, as usual fell playfully down her shoulders covering her upper back. Her petite figure was covered with an oversized cardigan. Everything about her was still the same. She still wore rings on each thumb and forefinger and had bracelets covering each wrist. He smiled; she was still his beautiful girl. She wanted to feel his skin on hers again. She wanted his touch and kisses, but she didn’t want to seem too forward. He was desperate, he wanted to know if he can still call her ‘his’, despite the year they’ve been away from each other.

“So?” He said.

“Yeah?” She replied.

“Any plans for today?” He asked, hoping she’d say that she had none. She shook her head.

“How about coffee?” He suggested.

“Hmm, sure. I was just about to go get some.” She lied. She wanted to do anything just to be with him. He nodded and just as he did, a tall girl stepped out of his house and came towards them. 

Part 1.

     It’s been a year since she last saw him. A year since they last spoke, a year since they last kissed. It’s been a year since they decided to end. They did not fight nor argue; things just fell silent between them. She knows now that the decision they made came from their minds not hearts. Each day when she wakes up in the morning to the sound of the alarm clock, she hurts. When she goes through her day without hearing his voice or funny laugh, or feeling his touch or seeing his face her heart aches. He said she’d be okay, he told her that she’ll move on. Clearly to this day, she still hasn’t.  Since they decided to break up, she knew that they’d never cross paths again since he’s in one continent and she’s on the other. She won’t lie, she still drives to the places they’ve been to together. She drives to his house and just stares at his window, hoping and praying a miracle would bring him back. But every time she stares at the window, no one stares back. Lately, she’s been thinking so much about him. Yes. She misses him. Yes. She regrets her decision. No. It wasn’t for the better. Yes. She wants him back. 

     Today she woke up two minutes before the alarm. She turned it off quickly and decided to go back to sleep, but something in her told her that today was going to be a different day. She felt different waking up this morning. Her heart was beating fast, as if she just finished running a 300 mile lap. She checked her phone for any missed calls, but none were found. She washed up and stood out on the balcony to check the weather for the day; it was perfect, not too hot not too cold; a perfect weather for surprises. She put on her dark blue skinny’s and started hunting down her favorite grey shirt. She looked through her whole closet, but she couldn’t find it. She looked through her drawers and pulled out a grey shirt with a victorious smile. Seconds later, that smile turned into a frown. It wasn’t her grey shirt; it was his. She held the shirt in front of her and pictured it on him. It fit perfectly on his muscular body, a bit tight around his biceps and it would slowly loosen up around his abs. She didn’t question why she had it or where it came from. She just stood there staring at his shirt; remembering all the cold nights she spent crying on her pillow with nothing on except his shirt. A cold shiver ran down her spine, so she folded the shirt and stashed it away in the back of her drawer. It’s funny how when you aren’t looking for things they magically appear and when you need them the most, they’re nowhere to be found. She took a breather and then decided to pair her skinny with a white tank top and a grey cardigan. She grabbed her keys, phone, I-pod and wallet and headed to the nearest Starbux. 

     She walked in and filled her lungs with the smell of freshly brewed coffee. It was around nine and there weren’t many people around. She placed her order and stood in the corner waiting for it. Did he change his coffee habit, she wondered. Does he still take his coffee with skimmed milk? Does he still forget to mention ‘no cream’ like he always does? Does he still drink his coffee while it’s extremely hot? So many questions filled her mind; it started to hurt. Luckily her coffee was ready; she grabbed it and went straight into her car. The sadness was slowly creeping in and suffocating her. She felt hot tears in the back of her throat but she swallowed them down. She put her I-pod on shuffle and the first song that played was a song dedicated by him to her. Through it all, she still had a strong feeling that told her to stay positive. 

     Since today everything that happened reminded her of him, she drove out to his house and parked on the side. She held her coffee cup close to her lips and stared out at his window. Something about them looked different. She put her cup back into the cup holder and stared intently. The drapes were pulled open and she could see parts of his room. The next thing she saw sent chills down her back. A shadowy figure was walking around the room. She knows that no one ever goes into his room while he was away. She quickly turned off her car and stepped out. She walked closer to his house and with every step her heart was beating faster. ‘Are my eyes deceiving me?’ she thought; or was it really him that I saw? She stood there just hoping he was in there and that it wasn’t anybody else. The excitement in her died when she realized that the curtains were forming the shadow. How stupid was she to think he was back. He was miles away, but she felt him close. As she headed back towards her car, she heard a voice. Stop imagining she told herself. Then she heard it again. She froze. It can’t be she thought. Her heart started racing and she was hyperventilating.

“Turn around.” The voice said. 

Polaroid’s.

     I was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the board in front of me. The board that was pinned with Polaroid’s of you and I. Each picture held a special memory.  I didn’t know whether I was supposed to smile or frown, laugh or cry. In every picture whether it’s a group or just us, your arm would be wrapped around my shoulder. Pulling me close to you, showing the world that I’m yours; or used to be yours. I studied each picture, I knew in the back of my head that one day those pictures would eventually either be replaced by new ones or ripped out and trashed forever. I looked at each photographed memory and knew I could easily move on except from one.

The one Polaroid that I will never get over was placed right in the center.  It was only you and I and the midnight starry sky. It wasn’t a special picture nor was it taken on a special occasion. Anyone looking at the picture would think we snapped it by mistake. The lights were all blurry and the resolution was bad. But the things you said and promised were illustrious.

I remember we were on the roof, early December. You were snapping random shots of me for a project you were doing, until you got to the last film frame.  I was too busy staring at the sky and you were gazing at me as if I was a fine art piece. When I noticed it got too quiet I looked at you and you smiled. I asked you what was going through your mind and you started tripping over yourself and explaining that it was how the light hit my profile at a certain angle, which made me photogenic.

Lair.

There was no light to begin with. It was extremely dark and the only light that came was the light from the flash.

I wish back then I knew you lie so easily.

But I didn’t know and blushed and looked away.

You quickly leaned your face close to mine and snapped the last Polaroid.

We both laughed and waited for the picture to appear.

It was really dark and fuzzy, but we both liked it.

When you ran out of film frames you put your camera away, I begged to keep the last Polaroid and you said it was okay.  You pulled me back into your arms and I rested my head on your shoulder and studied the picture.

“You like it?” He asked.

“Yes I love it.” I replied.

“But it’s fuzzy and unclear?” He asked.

“I don’t care, I loved how we took it.” I answered back.

He chuckled and tightened his grip around me.

“You look beautiful.” He said.

“When?” I asked.

“All the time.” He replied.

I turned red and nudged him softly, “No I don’t.”

“Yes you do, don’t argue with me. You’re the most beautiful woman in my world, and I love you so much.” He kissed my forehead.

“I love you so much more.” I whispered softly.

We both fell quiet and stared at the dark sky. He kept on playing with my hair and I silently listened to his heartbeat.

“Baby?” He asked.

“Mm?” I replied back.

“What’s your biggest fear?” He asked.

I didn’t take time to think because I knew what my biggest fear was the day I met him. “Losing you,” I whispered.

He sighed and faced me, “You will never ever lose me, and I’ll be yours forever.”

“Promise?” I asked anxiously.

“Yes! Yes, I promise. Nothing will ever break us apart.” He said confidently as he picked up two Polaroid’s. One was a still perfect picture of us together earlier that day, and the other was the fuzzy picture that we previously took.

“What do you see?” He placed the pictures in front of me.

“Mm,” I looked closely at the pictures. “One is a good picture and the other is a bad picture.”

“Exactly! Baby I promise I’ll always be with you in the good times and the bad.” He kissed my forehead and I hugged him tightly, storing his promises in my mind to chase all my insecurities away.

I wish it was possible to photograph words and promises so you could use them as evidence when you need them. But words fade away, just like your promises did. You faded away and left me shattered in pieces. You were my safe place, my safety net; now you’re a hard deep dark place that I’m trying to escape from.

I never knew I’d hate you this much, never knew I’d wish bad things for you.

You took my open heart and unconditional love and tampered around with them, as if they were toys that you play with until you get bored and move on and get new toys to corrupt.

I kept staring at the board and all the memories pinned on it. I have nothing left of you now except your pictures and empty promises.

Late one night..

          It was getting close to midnight and I was pretty tired but he wasn’t home yet. He promised me that we’d spend the evening together. I waited and waited, but he was nowhere to be found. I was tired and wasn’t up for an interrogation. I called him three times but there was no answer. After my fourth missed call I received a text from him saying, “Baby girl, I’m so sorry. I got caught up watching the game.” I got furious so I ignored him. I turned off my phone and decided to run a warm comforting bath. I filled the bathtub with hot soothing water. I lighted all my scented candles and watched them burn for a while; each candle filled the atmosphere with a different aroma. Steam arose from my bathtub and bubbles started forming as soon as I squirted my philosophy vanilla birthday cake bubble bath. I slowly undressed and dipped my self into the bathtub. The hot water made my body tingle and shiver but my body quickly adjusted to the hot temperature. I paused the whole world and soaked myself till my fingers started forming wrinkles. He still wasn’t back. I gave up and washed off the remaining soap from my body.  I wrapped myself with my warm towel and took in my scent; I smelled like freshly baked vanilla cake and I liked it. I was thinking of locking him out when I remembered he had a pair of the keys as well. So I decided to punish him. I got into my favorite maroon nightgown that ran down to my thighs. I got in bed and pretended to be asleep. Minutes later he walked in and tiptoed to the bedroom. He knew I was upset at him hence he was quiet. I heard him make some noise in the bathroom, and I knew he was getting ready for bed. I could see his reflection from the mirror on the dresser. He had a guilty look on his face. He got in bed next to me and I could feel his fingers trace my soft bare arms.

“Baby?” He whispered.

I stayed quiet pretending to be asleep.

He sighed, and kept on whispering, “I hope you can hear me. Sweetheart I’m so sorry I stood you up.” He slowly started pulling me into his arms. “I just lost track of time and yes, I won’t lie, I forgot our plans.”

I felt bad and I wanted to forgive him. I always let my guard down when he confesses to me and tells me that he simply forgot.

“Baby?” He whispered again but this time right into my ear. He took in my scent and breathed out on the back of my neck. My heart started racing. I wanted him now. He closed his eyes and held me close to him. He was in boxers and a wife-beater shirt. I opened my eyes slowly and waited to hear what he was going to say next.

“I love you baby girl. I’ll make it up I promise.” He started kissing my bare shoulder slowly.

“I love you more.” I whispered back and breathed out intensely.

He smiled and turned me towards him. I smiled back and stared into his mysterious brown eyes. I loved him and he loved me back. I felt his hands slide under my nightgown and trace my sides with a naughty smirk on his face. I knew what he wanted but I wasn’t going to give it to him. Yes, I’m going to torture him. I kissed his lips slowly and pulled away. He gave me a confused look.

“I’m sorry, I’m too sleepy.” I yawned and laid my head on his chest.

“Oh c’mon,” He whined.

“We’ll you should’ve came early. Now there’s no cake for you tonight.” I smiled devilishly.

He started pleading and begging and promising me that he’ll never forget again, but stubborn as I was I didn’t give in to him. He needed to be taught a lesson, and I taught him well.

Seeing you.

     It’s funny how I saw you today. We were in the same room together; just a couple of feet away from each other. Breathing the same air, seeing the same things. It’s funny how all I wanted to do was touch you. All I wanted was to be in your arms again. I know you just don’t care about me anymore. I saw it in your eyes; with the petty look you gave me. As you make your way under the spotlight and ask everyone else how they’ve been, you seem so interested in everyone else except me. You don’t ask how I’ve been, or what I’m up to. You just barely nod your head and keep on going. You sit right in front of me and I start wondering about you. Are you well? How’s life? Are you really happy without me? If you’re a hundred percent happy, then I’ll be happy too. If your happiness is being away from me, I promise you love I’ll keep my distance, just so I could see that radiant smile of yours. I study your face intently, and start asking myself where I went wrong. Was it wrong of me to love you more than anything in the world? Was it wrong of me to place you above everyone else? Was it wrong of me to trust you? Those were questions I’d never get answers to. I sighed and looked around the room. No one seemed to notice that were no longer together. No one even bothered to ask us why were not sitting next to each other like we always did. No one asked why were not talking, no one said anything about us, as if we never existed. Did they move on? Or did they know that we’d never be together? Someone in the room said something funny, you chuckled and tapped your fingers on your knee; a thing you always do when I say something funny.

I didn’t regret coming here tonight, I didn’t think I’d see you, but I thank god I did. I missed your beautiful face so much. It’s funny how with all the pain your causing me, all I want to do is kiss you. I want to feel your lips run on mine again. I want to be showered with your warmth as you run your hands all over my sides. I want to feel you breathe out tenderly on my neck like you always do. I want you so badly I could scream it out loud.

The place was getting less crowded and he got a phone call and went to finish it up in the other room. Was it jealousy that was choking me? Or was it the all the pain suffocating me?  I wanted to check for myself. I followed him and stood in the hallway. Mama taught me never to eavesdrop; she always said that whatever I’d hear would be bad for me.

Mama is always right.

“Yes baby, I’m leaving soon. I can’t wait to see you either. No no, I’ll pick you up and we’ll go together. I love you too sweetheart.”

That’s all I heard. That was all enough for me. I took the nearest chair and threw myself on it. I buried my face in my hands and breathed heavily.

So it was true? You left me for her. Well, they all said you would but you always told me you wouldn’t. You promised me I was the best thing that ever happened to you. I trusted you and let the whole world out. I loved you. I still do.

My heart was beating fast; I could feel it beat out of my chest. My throat was dry and my eyes were starting to sting. I’m not going to cry, I told myself. I’m not going to let him hurt me anymore. I’m not going to show him how weak I am. I threw my head back and rested it on the wall. Minutes later he came out of the room. He looked at me plainly, and studied my facial expression. He didn’t smile nor frown, he just shrugged and passed in front of me; burning a much wider hole in my heart.

What happened next was nothing I could control. I got up and followed him out to his car. He just stood there waiting for the fight to begin.

“Does she make you happy?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Is she taking good care of you? Is she giving you everything you want? Is she always there beside you? Does she comfort you whenever you need it? Does she sweet-talk you? Does love you?”

He nodded to all my questions.

I took a deep breath, “Do you love her?”

“More than anything in the world,” he replied coldly.

I nodded and my tears began over-flowing. I walked closer to him, “Please tell her that I say she’s the luckiest person on earth to have you. Please tell her I say she should take care of you. Please tell her that she shouldn’t lose you or fight with you. Please tell her to treat you like your two seconds out the door. Please tell her that she should love you with all her being and energy, because you don’t deserve anything less than that.”

“Sure, I’ll let her know,” and he got into his car and drove away.

The love of my life drove away right in front of me, and I just stood there watching. I just stood there in the dark night as a little defenseless, vulnerable brokenhearted girl. I don’t know why I still love him, when there are other guys who would kill to have me. Although there are so many reasons for me to hate him, I’m so blind I can’t see them. As handsome as he is, I guess beauty fell for the beast. 

Come back.

       Why wont you leave my thoughts? Why are you haunting me day and night? Please leave me and let me be. You’re like an infestation, taking over every inch of my mind. You’re like a deadly virus that’s slowly killing me each day. My immune system has gone weak, and you’re destroying me by doing nothing at all. I see you in the shadows and in the air. Your scent is like carbon monoxide, it keeps flowing and suffocating me everywhere I turn, it’s the only thing I breathe. Leave me. But you already did. Please leave my mind and heart. I’m your prisoner; release me. Stop moving me. Why did you disappear and leave me a load of pain to endure. It’s not fair. Come back and fix what you broke. I can’t stop thinking of you. It’s your smile that’s lingering in my mind. It’s your touch that I can still feel creeping up my back. It’s your words that still move me. It’s your stare that makes my heart race. It’s your body that thrills me.

Now you’re gone, and that’s what tears me. Your love for me is fading with time, a fact I am sure of. But my love for you is everlasting. Now you’ve casted a shadow over my heart. Come back immediately, there are some words that were left unspoken. You hurt me, caused me pain, broke a child’s heart and now I’m gone beyond repair.

But I want you back. I want you by my side; I want you now and forever more. You want to scar me each and everyday? Be my guest, its better to feel something than feel nothing at all. Loving you is what I did best. Please come back. Come back to me? I’m not done with you nor will I ever be. Yes, I’m stronger now but I can never get over you; I don’t want to. Come and wipe my tears away like you always do? Come and whisper words of love into my ear and take my sorrows away. To say that I have missed you is an understatement. I don’t think you understand the amount of pain your causing me. Yes, you’re the reason behind my tears, but I don’t care. I stopped caring anymore. You hurt me a million times, but who’s counting? People have told me to wake up and give up and that your never coming back. But I will still try, even if I have to sell my soul to the devil just to have you back, I’ll do that in a heartbeat. People have asked if I hated you? Hated you for all the misery you put me through, but I can never hate you. It’s out of the question. Everyday when I wake up, a piece of my heart dies and another piece misses you terribly.

Please come back before it gets too late. 

Just another discussion.

           For a second he was making sense and so was I. But then his loud voice filled the emptiness of the room, like a football stadium with a really loud audience all shouting at one time. I was sitting down on the bed and he was standing right in front of me. His face was red and his body was stiff he kept on shouting and cussing and I looked at him with teary eyes. Who was this man standing in front of me, I thought to myself. I don’t think he realized he was shouting until I backed away. I breathed deeply and he fell quiet. Both of us stood looking into each other’s eyes. His eyes were blood red from screaming mine were blood red from crying. He came closer and tried to embrace me. I pushed him away; I couldn’t see myself in his arms. I couldn’t see him, not because of my blurry vision, but because he himself was not there. It was as if in the midst of our discussion, Satan came and took over him. He gave me his hand; I shook my head and headed for the door. Crying my life out, I was a mess. My eyes were red and puffy, my face was drained, and I had mascara smeared all over my cheekbones. But I didn’t care, I had to leave his house and go look for him because the love of my life would never yell, shout or cuss at me.

I stood out on the dark street, it was three in the morning and I didn’t know where to go. I stood there in the cold bitter night, hugging myself and trying to hold my body from shivering. I didn’t realize that the only thing I had on was a nightshirt. Moments later, I felt his giant arms around my waist as he pulled me close to him. Not a word left my lips but my tears spoke for me. He held my face and I was prepared for his goodbye, but he kissed my forehead and whispered into my ears, “I’m sorry sweetheart. I didn’t know what came over me, I just couldn’t stand the idea of you gone.”

I breathed heavily and looked deeply into his eyes, “I’d never leave you, not even if they forced me to.”

He pressed his lips on mine, and sucked out all my energy. He held me close to his chest and showered me with his warmth. We stood there in the cold until the sun came up upon the land waking up mankind. I rested my head on his chest and clutched on to his waist. He played with my hair and rubbed my back.

“I love you, always have and forever will.” I whispered.

“I love you so much more my angel.” He whispered back, then lifted me up in his arms and took me back inside. He laid me on the bed, and covered me with a warm duvet. He took his jacket off and seconds later he was in bed next to me. He slid his hands slowly above the sheets and placed them on my waist. Next thing I knew, he was holding me close to him and began singing the sweetest love melody. I kissed his broad chest continuously and he kissed my forehead. I cried my last tears on his shirt and drifted to sleep in his arms. He followed me and slept too. We slept close to each other, like two love birds safe in their nest, holding on to each other. Love binds them together forever and always.

One winter night.

          He came and wrapped his blue wool blanket around my shoulders then sat right in front of me. We both smiled at each other, but said nothing at all. The only sound in the room was that coming from the fireplace, the soft crackle of the fire burning up the wood. I watched as the fire ate unmercifully at the wood. The poor wooden logs, innocent victims of the fire. But the fire knows no good or evil. It starts with a tiny spark, then orange and red flames evolve and they burn their victims alive. I felt pity for the wood, but then I thought to myself, its an inanimate object, it can’t feel any pain at all, but yet again fire does wonders. I took a glance at the man in front of me; the live fire that was burning my heart and leaving a hole for everyone to see. 

         He smiled again and told me he loved me. I forced a smile and suffocated my tears. I told him I loved him too, although what I was longing for was to break down in tears, but that would seem very weak. So I swallowed my pain and my tears and began stitching the hole he burned in my heart, although he promised to stitch it for me. I couldn’t tell him that the reason my heart-burns was because of a stupid, small thing he did. To him it might seem so petty. To me, to my weak and vulnerable heart it has a thousand hurtful meanings. He cuts me and the pain is all I want to feel, I learned how to heal myself, but sometimes it’s so hard to see yourself get burned. I spaced out, and the next thing I felt was his arm around my waist, pulling me close to him. His warm lips brushed against mine. His warm hands ran down my cold back. His gentle touch alleviated me. We can’t live with fire and we can’t live without it. He melted me down in seconds and I forgot what I was hurt about. He lights the flames and puts them out. I just watch them burn over and over again. 

What once was.

He walked towards me I thought. I looked left and right, but no one was there except me. He came closer; I could see the smile he had on his face. I stood there breathing in the saltiness of the ocean; wrapping my arms around myself to keep me warm. He stood inches away from me; I could see his eyes glimmer under the moonlight. A strong wind blew and I moved closer. The ocean made loud scary waves, but all I could hear was my heart beating out of my chest. He looked me in the eyes; I looked down towards the sand. He came closer and lifted my head up. I looked deep in his eyes. He pressed his warm lips on my forehead; it felt as if I was showered with hot water. He wrapped his arms around my waist; I gave in and kissed his lips softly. We stood there under the moonlight pressed on each other for a long time.

He breathed out, “I missed you.”

“Don’t leave me again, please.” I whispered back.

He held me tight, “I’m not leaving anymore I promise.”  He stroked my face and I closed my eyes, letting all my senses take him in. I stuffed my face in his chest and suffocated myself in his scent, a mixture of Marlboro and Fierce. The only sound I could hear was the sound of our heartbeats. I felt his warm breath on my neck as he held me close in his arms.

“I can’t live without you. Don’t go again please.” I whispered.

He whispered back, “I’m always going to be with you.”

He pressed his lips on my forehead, and we stood there for what felt like years with the wind blowing through my hair and his lips moving around my face. I opened my eyes to take a look at him. I was disappointed. I found myself staring at my white ceiling. I prayed that what I saw was real. I turned my face to look at him, but instead I found his bedside all made up. He was never here. He was never back. Now he’s gone forever. I felt hot tears run down my cheek. I moved to his side and stuffed my face in his pillows, hoping I’d find his scent still lingering on the sheets. I closed my eyes and cried myself back to sleep, so I can dream and see him again and again and again.