Polaroid’s.

     I was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the board in front of me. The board that was pinned with Polaroid’s of you and I. Each picture held a special memory.  I didn’t know whether I was supposed to smile or frown, laugh or cry. In every picture whether it’s a group or just us, your arm would be wrapped around my shoulder. Pulling me close to you, showing the world that I’m yours; or used to be yours. I studied each picture, I knew in the back of my head that one day those pictures would eventually either be replaced by new ones or ripped out and trashed forever. I looked at each photographed memory and knew I could easily move on except from one.

The one Polaroid that I will never get over was placed right in the center.  It was only you and I and the midnight starry sky. It wasn’t a special picture nor was it taken on a special occasion. Anyone looking at the picture would think we snapped it by mistake. The lights were all blurry and the resolution was bad. But the things you said and promised were illustrious.

I remember we were on the roof, early December. You were snapping random shots of me for a project you were doing, until you got to the last film frame.  I was too busy staring at the sky and you were gazing at me as if I was a fine art piece. When I noticed it got too quiet I looked at you and you smiled. I asked you what was going through your mind and you started tripping over yourself and explaining that it was how the light hit my profile at a certain angle, which made me photogenic.

Lair.

There was no light to begin with. It was extremely dark and the only light that came was the light from the flash.

I wish back then I knew you lie so easily.

But I didn’t know and blushed and looked away.

You quickly leaned your face close to mine and snapped the last Polaroid.

We both laughed and waited for the picture to appear.

It was really dark and fuzzy, but we both liked it.

When you ran out of film frames you put your camera away, I begged to keep the last Polaroid and you said it was okay.  You pulled me back into your arms and I rested my head on your shoulder and studied the picture.

“You like it?” He asked.

“Yes I love it.” I replied.

“But it’s fuzzy and unclear?” He asked.

“I don’t care, I loved how we took it.” I answered back.

He chuckled and tightened his grip around me.

“You look beautiful.” He said.

“When?” I asked.

“All the time.” He replied.

I turned red and nudged him softly, “No I don’t.”

“Yes you do, don’t argue with me. You’re the most beautiful woman in my world, and I love you so much.” He kissed my forehead.

“I love you so much more.” I whispered softly.

We both fell quiet and stared at the dark sky. He kept on playing with my hair and I silently listened to his heartbeat.

“Baby?” He asked.

“Mm?” I replied back.

“What’s your biggest fear?” He asked.

I didn’t take time to think because I knew what my biggest fear was the day I met him. “Losing you,” I whispered.

He sighed and faced me, “You will never ever lose me, and I’ll be yours forever.”

“Promise?” I asked anxiously.

“Yes! Yes, I promise. Nothing will ever break us apart.” He said confidently as he picked up two Polaroid’s. One was a still perfect picture of us together earlier that day, and the other was the fuzzy picture that we previously took.

“What do you see?” He placed the pictures in front of me.

“Mm,” I looked closely at the pictures. “One is a good picture and the other is a bad picture.”

“Exactly! Baby I promise I’ll always be with you in the good times and the bad.” He kissed my forehead and I hugged him tightly, storing his promises in my mind to chase all my insecurities away.

I wish it was possible to photograph words and promises so you could use them as evidence when you need them. But words fade away, just like your promises did. You faded away and left me shattered in pieces. You were my safe place, my safety net; now you’re a hard deep dark place that I’m trying to escape from.

I never knew I’d hate you this much, never knew I’d wish bad things for you.

You took my open heart and unconditional love and tampered around with them, as if they were toys that you play with until you get bored and move on and get new toys to corrupt.

I kept staring at the board and all the memories pinned on it. I have nothing left of you now except your pictures and empty promises.