Seeing you.

     It’s funny how I saw you today. We were in the same room together; just a couple of feet away from each other. Breathing the same air, seeing the same things. It’s funny how all I wanted to do was touch you. All I wanted was to be in your arms again. I know you just don’t care about me anymore. I saw it in your eyes; with the petty look you gave me. As you make your way under the spotlight and ask everyone else how they’ve been, you seem so interested in everyone else except me. You don’t ask how I’ve been, or what I’m up to. You just barely nod your head and keep on going. You sit right in front of me and I start wondering about you. Are you well? How’s life? Are you really happy without me? If you’re a hundred percent happy, then I’ll be happy too. If your happiness is being away from me, I promise you love I’ll keep my distance, just so I could see that radiant smile of yours. I study your face intently, and start asking myself where I went wrong. Was it wrong of me to love you more than anything in the world? Was it wrong of me to place you above everyone else? Was it wrong of me to trust you? Those were questions I’d never get answers to. I sighed and looked around the room. No one seemed to notice that were no longer together. No one even bothered to ask us why were not sitting next to each other like we always did. No one asked why were not talking, no one said anything about us, as if we never existed. Did they move on? Or did they know that we’d never be together? Someone in the room said something funny, you chuckled and tapped your fingers on your knee; a thing you always do when I say something funny.

I didn’t regret coming here tonight, I didn’t think I’d see you, but I thank god I did. I missed your beautiful face so much. It’s funny how with all the pain your causing me, all I want to do is kiss you. I want to feel your lips run on mine again. I want to be showered with your warmth as you run your hands all over my sides. I want to feel you breathe out tenderly on my neck like you always do. I want you so badly I could scream it out loud.

The place was getting less crowded and he got a phone call and went to finish it up in the other room. Was it jealousy that was choking me? Or was it the all the pain suffocating me?  I wanted to check for myself. I followed him and stood in the hallway. Mama taught me never to eavesdrop; she always said that whatever I’d hear would be bad for me.

Mama is always right.

“Yes baby, I’m leaving soon. I can’t wait to see you either. No no, I’ll pick you up and we’ll go together. I love you too sweetheart.”

That’s all I heard. That was all enough for me. I took the nearest chair and threw myself on it. I buried my face in my hands and breathed heavily.

So it was true? You left me for her. Well, they all said you would but you always told me you wouldn’t. You promised me I was the best thing that ever happened to you. I trusted you and let the whole world out. I loved you. I still do.

My heart was beating fast; I could feel it beat out of my chest. My throat was dry and my eyes were starting to sting. I’m not going to cry, I told myself. I’m not going to let him hurt me anymore. I’m not going to show him how weak I am. I threw my head back and rested it on the wall. Minutes later he came out of the room. He looked at me plainly, and studied my facial expression. He didn’t smile nor frown, he just shrugged and passed in front of me; burning a much wider hole in my heart.

What happened next was nothing I could control. I got up and followed him out to his car. He just stood there waiting for the fight to begin.

“Does she make you happy?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Is she taking good care of you? Is she giving you everything you want? Is she always there beside you? Does she comfort you whenever you need it? Does she sweet-talk you? Does love you?”

He nodded to all my questions.

I took a deep breath, “Do you love her?”

“More than anything in the world,” he replied coldly.

I nodded and my tears began over-flowing. I walked closer to him, “Please tell her that I say she’s the luckiest person on earth to have you. Please tell her I say she should take care of you. Please tell her that she shouldn’t lose you or fight with you. Please tell her to treat you like your two seconds out the door. Please tell her that she should love you with all her being and energy, because you don’t deserve anything less than that.”

“Sure, I’ll let her know,” and he got into his car and drove away.

The love of my life drove away right in front of me, and I just stood there watching. I just stood there in the dark night as a little defenseless, vulnerable brokenhearted girl. I don’t know why I still love him, when there are other guys who would kill to have me. Although there are so many reasons for me to hate him, I’m so blind I can’t see them. As handsome as he is, I guess beauty fell for the beast.